God Knows

God's grace is incredible. He knows exactly how much transition time we need for everything. He even knows our capacities for change! This summer for me felt so blah at times because I didn't have a goal I was working toward. I was at home and I felt like I was just waiting to go to ministry school. However, God knew two specific things that I needed space and time for even in my eagerness to move forward:

1) He knew my need for time and space to let go of Bethel University. After graduating it took me a couple months to really accept and fully let go of the fact that I wasn't going back, not even to the same state. My mind knew I was ready to move on, but my heart took longer to grieve the drastic impending change. God didn't even push me faster than I wanted to go. He is so good. I was so invested at school that graduating really felt like a huge loss at first, but I had space and time to shift my thinking. I still absolutely love Bethel University, but I'm okay with leaving it in its place for the time being while God takes me on to bigger and better things. A friend recently asked me if I thought I had fully let go of being at Bethel U and it actually took me a second to think because yeah, I really have. In a healthy sense, I know I'm right where God wants me and I'm really happy to be doing something different this year. And, I'm not mad at God for moving me to the next thing. Yeah, I've had lonely moments in the past week, but I've never wished I was anywhere but where I'm at. God knew.

2) He also knew my need for space and time to be with my family. As hard as it was at times to live at home again this summer, there really wasn't a better place for me to be. My mom kept telling me that I will always remember this summer and I think she's right. We did so many things together and went through so many milestones (particularly with Alex); it was a really wonderful summer. It wasn't always easy, but in retrospect, I needed to be loved, cared for and properly launched into the next season of my life and my family did that for me. God knew.

I've told a number of people this analogy, but I think it's worth repeating. (Maybe you can relate.) In graduating from Bethel University, I felt like I had just finished a marathon. And, with my human rationale, I wanted to jump into the next marathon of ministry school right away so I could keep the momentum going. But who in their right mind runs back-to-back marathons? Um...no one. So God, being the smarter one, gave me this past summer to let my body heal, to restore my soul, to give me rest, and to let my passion rise for new goals even when I couldn't get started yet.

So even though, at the time, I felt like I was just floating in a cloud of transition, I now know that God had intentionally spaced out these events in my life, including this summer in between.

I'm so ready to start ministry school. I'm so ready to encounter God and His presence. And I'm SO glad that He designed the past months in preparation for this moment. He knew.