Incomplete

I find it oddly ironic that I still have not finished this blog. I don't usually leave things incomplete, so I feel like this occasion is rather serendipitous. It reminds me of the main misconception I had about studying abroad before I went. I had thought that my study abroad experience was going to be neatly contained between August 17-December 3, 2009, and that upon my return home I was going to be ready to share the incredible wisdom I had gained while I was away. I was expectant for God to teach me knew things about myself and the world, which wasn't necessarily an inaccurate assumption; the inaccurate part was the timing.

On arriving home on December 3, 2009, I didn't feel like my months of traveling were given any closure simply based on a change of place. In fact, my entire month of December was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually spent searching God for understanding about the journey He had me on. The truth that He began to reveal to me was that England Term had simply been a catalyst for the even bigger things He wanted to do in my heart and in my life. There was no use putting an end date on God - my coming home on December 3rd hadn't signified an end to anything.

Many of you know that while I was away in the fall God grew my heart for worship and ministry in a huge way. I found these areas to be the things I missed most about home; and I felt God awaken my heart to the call He has placed on my life in these areas. This honeymoon phase didn't last however as I found myself wrestling with God to gain understanding as I realized there was no direct outlet for worship that I was returning to at home. The thought that would spin in my mind was, "God, how could you grow my heart for worship in such an incredible way and not provide a way for me to express what you've given me?" All I knew was that God was good and I knew to hang on to that truth through my frustration.

Clarity eventually came once I was home in December. I don't remember an exact moment, but by the end of the month God had given my heart specific truths to hold onto for the next season. God was continuing the work in my heart that He had begun while I was abroad. My personal relationship with Jesus had grown so much more intimate and He wanted to continue pouring into that space. He wanted to give me time to value the Giver over the gift. He wanted to show me what He thought of when He thought of my worship.

And so I started my January term at Bethel, followed by the start of my spring semester where I spent more consistent personal time with God during a school term than I ever had before. He was training my spirit everyday and letting me rest. The greatest truth that God showed me and allowed me to experience during this time was that everything I do is worship. This may sound very simple, but it's one thing to know something and a completely different thing to believe it beyond a doubt. Because I wasn't on a worship team I began to see the equal value of everything in my day in relation to God, instead of always valuing singing so high on a "worship scale." I believe that this phrase "everything I do is worship" is actually true because it really has nothing to do with what I do, but rather has everything to do with who God is and therefore who He is in me. If I am made in His image, than my being naturally glorifies Him simply based on my existence. That's pretty cool.

To loop back to November when I was still abroad, one day in my angst I found myself searching online for possible outlets for worship and came across the Bethel School of Supernatural Worship based out of Bethel Church in Redding, CA. I was familiar with this church as an incredible place to be equipped in ministry and was highly drawn to the idea of attending this school, which was conveniently offered for a month in the summer. By Spring I found myself applying, and then eventually being accepted into the school. As much as it felt like my own plan, I knew that God's hand was all over this.

Fast Forward.

Tomorrow I leave for BSW, the Bethel School of Worship. I have been waiting for this for a long time. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into exactly, (I'll share the details I do know with you later); and yet I'm really excited because I know that God is going to equip me in an incredible way. I also now know that this blog was incomplete for a reason...because it's meant to be continued. This next month at BSW is a chapter directly based out of my abroad experience and it's been increasingly on my heart that I might be able to share it with you.

I leave tomorrow morning to fly to Sacramento, CA via Minneapolis. Then I'll be taking a shuttle up to Redding, CA and arriving around 4:15 pm, according to the estimated shuttle schedule. I'm going to be living with four other girls in an apartment; two of them are friends from Iowa, and the other two are both from Australia. I've already posted a video on facebook, compliments of my roommates Katy and Amanda, who give you an animated tour of where we'll be living. BSW doesn't start until Wednesday; and this time I'll keep you posted.